chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
