I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
