OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
