I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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