its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
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the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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