Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
