Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
