You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
In other news, I just burned my penis
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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