the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
