he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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