help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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