I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
