I'm drive I can fine osifer
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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