i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
