no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
