Where did you get a picture of my penis
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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