Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
