if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize