Are we in a gay sports bar?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
