i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
