Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
