Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize