I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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