sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
