They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
