this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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