I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
