I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
