I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i barfeds in our rink
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
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This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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