Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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