Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
