This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
