I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize