is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so explain again why im purple
no
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
