Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
