He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
