dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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