Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
