It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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