That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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