i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
