he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
