The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We're too hungover to prance.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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