we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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