Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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