were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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