Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
