guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
