im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
