there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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