East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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