I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
