Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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