I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
