You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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