took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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