She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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