I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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