Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
