dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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