You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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