You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
