i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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