chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
