Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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