he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
