i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She told me I should be a condom model.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
